


Know This, I Will Return to You

by Quoth_the_Raven_Nevermore_Nevermore



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Merlin's not dealing well at all, Open Ending, Post Finale, advice is given, he needs to talk to Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 13:52:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quoth_the_Raven_Nevermore_Nevermore/pseuds/Quoth_the_Raven_Nevermore_Nevermore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't care for the consequences, he doesn't stop to think.</p><p> He just needs Arthur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Know This, I Will Return to You

Merlin calls Arthur back two months and three weeks after he leaves.

He grabs the horn from the vaults in the middle of the night, sneaking through a still mourning city and he leaves, riding through the night, and he prays that Arthur will come – because Merlin doesn't know what he will do if he doesn't.

He'd tried to follow Arthur, but he – he just came back.

It terrified him.

He does not care for the consequences he needs Arthur. He hadn't realized how much his life revolved around the blonde man until he was gone, he hadn't known how much love he had held – he hadn't known, and their goodbye was to brief and Merlin –

He was scared; he needed to hear Arthur's voice, even if he revealed all the things that Merlin never wanted to hear.

He closes his eyes and presses his lips to the end and he blows.

He opens his eyes to a blinding light and he closes his eyes once more and then there is Arthur dressed in red and white, blonde and blue eyed and so painstakingly familiar that it hurts, he swallows and Arthur steps forward.

"Merlin – why have you - ? You need to go back."

Merlin swallows.

"No – I don't want – can't I just – "

Arthur's eyes soften and he steps forward wrapping his arms around Merlin's shoulders in the way Merlin can never remember him doing in life, he sees it then, Arthur's eyes are different, and they're calmer, more knowing, more at peace.

"Merlin, you can't stay here. You're not – dead."

Arthur steps back and Merlin hunches into himself, back bending, arms coming up to encircle himself in some bastardization of a hug, his head falling to his chest and his face crumbling.

"I want to be."

Arthur looks like Merlin physically struck him and that hurts more than anything.

"Merlin – why would you – you can't – ?"

And Merlin explodes.

"Because I don't know how to live without you!"

"Merlin – "

But Merlin won't be deterred, like this was some form of catharsis that he sorely needed.

"In my first week in Camelot I saved your life and then it's been like that ever since and I haven't stopped and – I don't – Gwaine is gone – and Gwen, she wants to be here for me but she looks at me like I'm the one that killed you, but she has Leon – and Gaius – he tries, I know he does, but he can't understand. I just – I'm lost, Arthur."

Arthur closes his eyes and breathes.

"Have you tried – "

Merlin crunches in on himself farther.

"Yes, ok. I have, and I keep coming back! Why can't I die?"

Arthur moves forward again but Merlin flinches away, retreating into himself even farther, and Arthur looks at the man. Merlin had lost weight, which frightened him because Merlin had never had any to lose; he was practically a walking stick, he looked exhausted. Arthur thought he had seen Merlin at his worst – but this was so – this wasn't how it was supposed to go.

He thought he would grieve, he hoped he would, because out of all the people in Arthur's life Merlin had been one of the ones he'd cared about the most, and he'd wanted someone to care about him that way – but Merlin had, had always, and he thought about poison and dragons and beasts and he knew Merlin cared.

But not this much, Merlin looked like something had broke inside of him, and the worst part was that Arthur knew that Merlin, while he may want death, could never have it. He wouldn't age, he would never die.

"Merlin - I 'm so sorry."

Merlin's face crumpled as if he'd lost any hope that he still had in that moment.

"Why?"

Arthur swallowed, Freya had told him much, but not how to explain to a heartsick warlock that he would never die because the world - magic - needed him more than it cared for the warlocks feelings, it would not matter if he was dead inside as long as he still walked the Earth helping magic and non magical people alike.

The only consolation he could offer was that Arthur himself would be back someday to stand by Merlin's side - because while the world had always known him as Emrys and nothing more, Emrys had always been just Merlin to him.

"Because the world needs you."

"I-I don't understand."

He sounds so impossibly young. Arthur sighs, he's not good at this - this feeling crap, that had always been Merlin's territory. Still -

"Because there will never be another like you, Merlin. The world could stand to lose me, it couldn't stand to lose you."

Merlin is quite for a moment before he straightens, arms falling to his sides, he breathes in and then out eyes opening into a wide eyes gaze, Arthur shifted because he knew this wasn't over, there was still more that Merlin needed to know.

"What am I supposed to do, Arthur? I -I built my life around you - saving you, caring for you, and now you're gone, and I just - magic is legal now but even that doesn't - I can study and practice all I want but when it comes down to it - my magic was for you."

Arthur swallows, what had he ever done that inspired this kind of loyalty - this kind of love - in Merlin?

"You go home to Camelot, and watch over our home. You find a hobby, you learn how to live without me."

"But Camelot doesn't feel like home to me anymore, Arthur."

The not without you, is not said but is felt only to deeply.

"Then don't. Go see your mother, travel - find a boat that will take you away from here, meet new people, do everything you ever wanted to do but couldn't. Find someone to love and that loves you in return, stay with them, start a family. Help people and for gods sake eat something!"

Merlin laughed.

"And know this, I will return to you."


End file.
